Fare Grew Me

"Nothing in life is free," they always say.

Not even the free health care and education promises that were so passionately championed two years ago by the Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) in their bid to be elected as the governing party of the Jamaican Government.

Someone has to pay. And the sad thing is, so many of us subscribe to paying for things we don't have to. So many of us believe that we must be exploited and perform at the lowest common denominator in our efforts to maintain the status quo of our respective societies. Why? Because that's how life is and 'they' always come out on top anyways.

Funny, the silly things our elders taught us while we grow up. Nonsensical are the dictates of our societies and cultures which constantly feeds the consciousness of its younger population that 'marginalised' becomes a common place word for development practitioners. Especially in racial/colour discussions.

So what is this I speak of in such perturbed spirit? Fear: the feeling of being afraid or timid that we always become the back burner, the mediocre performer or the student with potential who fails to do better. So many of us went home with this comment on our report cards throughout our entire school career.

Then there is fare which always attract a price tag. Sometimes in legal tender, and at times as a consequence of our actions. You see, I know what I am saying because fear grew me and today I still have to pay (fare) the consequence of such actions. Little did I know that such a big part of my being would have been expended on such; costing myself so much to live and accept the status quo.

I grew up fearing people knowing my true potential as a multi-talented/skilled young man. I feared loving others and worse letting them know or showing my affection. I still do have problems with that, but I am growing and changing. I didn't even love my ownself, for in doing so it was (mis)interpreted as being pompous.

I resisted performing well in school because bright boys aren't necessarily cool to girls. The back of the class was always my favourite as I transitioned throughout my high school career. And I never recognised the importance of making friends with the smarter ones and those who were more progressive. My friends were always the ones who would do silly things and make trouble so the class could laugh out loud (LOL) and disrupt the lesson. I took pride in that. I basked in the moments of knowing I could belong with the students who were semi-performing and semi-deviants. What a strange world we live in!

I wanted to do good but at the same time, my thoughts were juxtaposed with feelings of insecurity... fear. I told myself that I couldn't do so many things, that lots of opportunities/possibilities missed me in growing up.

I grew up fearing...

So, my advice to you is: tell yourself you are the best and in doing so you give one challenge to societal dictates. Work on being the best. Challenge society, challenge yourself, believe only the very best about yourself, feed your thoughts and consciousness with positive messages.

Peace